Bocce '08

If you were not in Crown Point, Indiana this weekend, you truly missed out. Unless you were at the three baseball games on the South Side of Chicago. Go Sox! Anyway, the return of Bocce Bowl was a welcome treat for the residents of this quaint capital of Lake County, Indiana. The competition was heated, the Bud Light was cold, and the meat was flame-broiled. The Dog Pound Bitches faced off against Tenderfoot in the championship round, and the DP Bitches took the top prize. I'd like to thank Semmy and Klizzatch for arranging the food, and Jimmmay for the beverages and the marinated skirt steak. I'd also like to thank the fine folks at Johnny's Tap for not kicking us out due to our poor renditions of Doobie Brothers classics. See you next year!

Thank you,

girl on the Red Line, for expressing the feelings of your fellow passengers so eloquently. You obviously noticed the same things that I did about the dude with two cell phones and two large backpacks. His extreme douchebaggedness was an affront to douchebags everywhere. When his initial phone conversation came to an end, you refrained from commenting. But when he clicked over to take another call, you could not help yourself. "Jesus Christ," you exclaimed. An immediate smile came across my face as I looked over to you. "I thought he was done already," you stated. As the oblivious mister continued his conversation, we learned many fascinating things about him, didn't we? He doesn't have plans for the 4th of July, he's totally open to whatever is going down, and he's getting off at the next stop, Belmont. Upon hearing this you loudly sighed, "Thank God!" Oh, he heard you that time! At first I thought he might take off the coffee mug that he had affixed to his belt, and whip it across the train in your direction. But he must have reconsidered, as he then lowered his voice and started making his way towards the door. He departed at Belmont, and you departed soon after at Addison. Fare thee well, Wrigleyville girl with the bitchin' attitude.

Winter Wonderland

As I walked the city streets on my lunch hour today, I couldn't help but reminisce about a time much simpler, much more peaceful. Wintertime in Chicago. Oh, many people will tell you that summertime in Chicago is the shit. It's shit, alright. Filled with people who don't know where they're going, Greenpeace hippies, and frat boys who have come out of hibernation. Are you not following? Let me explain. When the kids get out of school, many parents like to bring their kids into the downtown area to give them some culture. As they try to locate the free trolleys to the museum campus and Navy Pier, they get in the way of us working folks who actually have to get to Gold Coast Dogs and back on our lunch hour. Then there are the Greenpeace hippies who stand on every street corner. "Hey, man! Do you have a minute for the environment?" Please do not bother me! I have a double cheeseburger in a sack that I hold at my side, and I will use it! And last but not least are the frat boys. These dudes can't weekday sauce in the winter when there is more than 1/4" of snow on the ground. But once the snow thaws and the Cubs start playing, they come out in force. Taking up valuable real estate on the barstools I so covet! Anyway, summer is here, come visit the city, hooray.