Thank you,

girl on the Red Line, for expressing the feelings of your fellow passengers so eloquently. You obviously noticed the same things that I did about the dude with two cell phones and two large backpacks. His extreme douchebaggedness was an affront to douchebags everywhere. When his initial phone conversation came to an end, you refrained from commenting. But when he clicked over to take another call, you could not help yourself. "Jesus Christ," you exclaimed. An immediate smile came across my face as I looked over to you. "I thought he was done already," you stated. As the oblivious mister continued his conversation, we learned many fascinating things about him, didn't we? He doesn't have plans for the 4th of July, he's totally open to whatever is going down, and he's getting off at the next stop, Belmont. Upon hearing this you loudly sighed, "Thank God!" Oh, he heard you that time! At first I thought he might take off the coffee mug that he had affixed to his belt, and whip it across the train in your direction. But he must have reconsidered, as he then lowered his voice and started making his way towards the door. He departed at Belmont, and you departed soon after at Addison. Fare thee well, Wrigleyville girl with the bitchin' attitude.